Nicolas Cage, an actor married twice since 2019, has more rings than Dak Prescott. And only one fewer NFL playoff victory on his resume.

Sean Payton can fix him!

You said that about Russell Wilson last winter.

It’s different!

It’s not. Look, didn’t we just do this? If Broncos Country is pining for a chaser from an overpaid, overhyped veteran quarterback who throws a pretty deep ball, the answer is not jumping right into a love affair with another overpaid, overhyped veteran quarterback who throws a pretty deep ball.

Dude, did you watch the last seven minutes of that Cowboys-Packers wild-card game Sunday?

Did you watch the first 53?

Through three quarters, Dallas got down 48-16 at home to a 9-8 Green Bay team that lost at Empower Field a few months back. One of those Packers scores came on a pick-6 from Dak to Darnell Savage.

He’s younger than Russ!

True.

He’s better than Russ!

Also true. But by how much?

Forget the playoffs. Look at the wider sample size!

By all accounts, Prescott is a stand-up dude, professional and personable. He also has the unfortunate habit of wilting like a dried flower whenever the football gods crank up the spotlight.

On one hand, over the last three regular seasons, Dak’s averaged 32 passing scores and just 11 picks, with more than a few MVP-worthy moments sprinkled in.

On the other hand, since 2021, Prescott is also 12-12 in all starts, regular season and postseason, against opponents that finished with winning records.

The Fortress is 2-5 lifetime as a starting quarterback in the postseason, 1-3 lifetime as a home QB1 in the playoffs. He’s 22-20 lifetime in 42 regular-season outdoor starts, 16-15 lifetime vs. the AFC, 4-5 lifetime vs. the AFC West. We could go on.

Yeah, but if you could get him cheap …

Sure. But best of luck there. The 30-year-old signal-caller is due a $29 million salary and $59.46 million cap hit in 2024.

Again: We. Just. Did. This.

Keenum. Flacco. Allen. Driskel. Bridgewater. Russ. Stidham. Band-Aid after Band-Aid at quarterback, a bridge of veteran arms that led to absolutely nowhere.

Four of the teams that won the first five NFL playoff games of the holiday weekend had at least two things in common: 1. They were at home; 2. They started a quarterback they’d drafted and developed from scratch.

Houston rookie signal-caller C.J. Stroud threw for three scores in his postseason debut. Green Bay’s Jordan Love buried Dallas with three touchdowns of his own.

Before Monday, the three QBs making their playoff debuts prior to the MLK Day double-dip went 2-1. The youngest QB1 on the field went 3-1.

For every Patrick Mahomes, every John Elway, there are a dozen Paxton Lynches who land in the ditch. College quarterbacks can be wicked, expensive curveballs.

But just because it’s hard to hit a breaking pitch doesn’t mean you stop swinging altogether A young star QB on a rookie deal, outperforming his contract, is probably the Broncos’ best path out of Russ purgatory.

The problem with Dak is the same that’s dogged the Broncos for half a decade: Presumption. General manager George Payton presumed three years ago his wide receiver room was the finished article, among the league’s best. He wound up holding the bag for a bunch of long-term contracts that either never saw the field or underperformed.

He presumed his offensive line was as good in person as it looked on paper. He presumed a tight end, any tight end, would emerge from the gloom. None did. He presumed Big Russ, like Peyton Manning before him, had the goods to elevate those around him from decent to good and good to great.

Wilson didn’t. And couldn’t.

Dak is a safer bet, though.

You want to roll those dice again? Yes, Prescott was a second-team AP All-Pro choice this fall. He also has a first-team All-Pro wideout in CeeDee Lamb to throw to. And a first-team All-Pro guard in front of him (Zack Martin), lined up near a second-team guard (Tyler Smith) and a second-team left tackle (Tyron Smith).

Dak got pressured on only 17% of his dropbacks, per Pro-Football-Reference.com. With the Broncos’ line, which remained relatively healthy, Wilson was pressured on 25.5% of his dropbacks this past season — and that was down a few ticks from a 28.6% rate in 2022.

It’s awfully hard to fire off those glorious, high-arcing deep shots from the comfort of your keister. When it comes to Dak, the call’s an easy one, and borrowed straight from his arsenal. Hard pass.